All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
