Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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