This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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