it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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