so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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