You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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