Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
