my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
