so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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