Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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