Plan B is the new Plan A
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
