I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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