I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
