some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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