Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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