Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
