a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
