My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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