Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
