That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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