I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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