I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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