Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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