I'm lost and stupid without you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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