dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
