so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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