We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
