I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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