he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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