oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
