Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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