Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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