I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
