he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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