omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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