Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
