I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
