Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
