did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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