escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
