I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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