Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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