Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel