How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
