Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
