new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
