Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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