..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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