Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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