Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
