you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am midnight drunk by noon
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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