It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
