Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
