She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
