WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
