Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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