My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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