Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
