so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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