I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
