Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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