no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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