dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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