how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
