I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
